god.. I wish cheryl would just die. I hate how she always tries to get up on her high horse and act like shes so fucking mature and better than everyone. In reality, shes a fucking coward.

So much shit went down between me and her about a week or two ago. It was COMPLETE bullshit. Basically, we were hanging out (and it was the first time in like.. months cause we'd had this other big fight before).. and we were watching a movie at my house. I was babysitting at the time also. It was time to go, so I was packing up the baby into her car seat.. and cheryl goes.. 'hey katey, can I go up to your room and fix my hair?' (Now, we were in the living room, which is downstairs. A few feet away from the living room is the bathroom. To go up to my room, you have to turn around, go through the dining room, up the stairs, and then down the hallway.) So I said to her, 'why don't you just go into the bathroom and use the mirror in there?' She replies, 'i'm too lazy.' and then turns around and goes upstairs. Immediately I knew she was up to something, cause it doesn't make sense to say 'i'm lazy.' but then choose to make a trip thats like 3 times as long as the other. I don't even know why I didn't follow her upstairs. The thought crossed my mind, but I decided against it. Looking back on it, I definetly should have. So i'm standing there, not knowing what to do, cause i know shes doing something OTHER than fixing her hair in my room, and then all of a sudden i think.. 'wait.. she knows the cigarettes are up there.'

i guess i'll explain that too...a while back i used to date this kid named sean. He used to smoke, but told me he quit. One day when i was alone in his room i stumbled upon 3 packs of cigaretts. So i decided to take them.. not to be a bitch. I did it because i care about him. He'd openly admitted that he knew it was bad for him, especially since he already has asthma. After he found out, he never even got mad that I took them. I think he understood why I had done it. But before he actually did realize that I had taken them, I stored them in this little teapot that was on a shelf in my room... just in case he did get really mad, in which case i would have given them back. Anyway, I never threw them away, so they were still in there when cheryl went up to my room.

She came back downstairs a few minutes later, and I guess I didn't want to make any immediate assumptions or accusations, so I didn't say anything to her or ask her any questions. I dropped her off, came home, and went straight up to my room to check if anything was missing. And don't you know it, the cigarettes are gone from the jar. I immediately got really pissed. Not at the fact that she had stolen the cigarettes, cause its not like i smoke, i was never going to use them, but at the fact that she STOLE from me. Thats fucking bullshit.

i asked her about it later online.. and the first thing i said to her was 'why did you take the cigarettes from my room?' she basically was just like.. cause im an asshole.. yeah i know, im a piece of shit.. yeah yeah whatever.. i felt like she was completely blowing it off!! it did not seem like she cared at all, or felt bad about it. What i got from her reaction was.. 'yeah..i know, i stole, it was bad, get over it.' she messaged me on facebook or something a few days later saying all this shit.. and i told her that i didn't want to talk to her at all, and that she was a shitty friend. she was saying how it was bullshit that i was freaking out over it cause i was the one who stole them from sean in the first place. she completely tried to play it off like it was the same thing!! it is NOT. i took them to protect him, and because it was BETTER FOR HIM. she took them cause she's a thief who doesn't have any fucking self control. over the next few days there were like.. 2 more conversations i think..and she was flipping out about how i had called her a shitty friend.. cause that was apparently the motherload of all insults to her! she was like.. 'you said the ONE thing i told you that could really hurt me!!' So i guess at one point she told me that calling her a shitty friend was the worst thing someone could say to her? To be honest.. i DO NOT recall her saying that EVER. she may have said it to someone else, but it wasn't me. hahaha.. so yeah. it was complete bullshit.

then she was saying how it was bullshit that i hate her over a stupid thing like this.. but that's not the case at all. this situation was just the last straw for me. i think she's always been a really shitty person and friend, and i just never chose to accept it. Every time she did something bitchy or pissed me off.. i would always just forget about it and forgive her. but i think what really contributed to my reaction this time though.. was the mike thing. I'm still not over it. it was 10 months ago and my stomach still drops every time i see him. I see him at school.. and I want to turn around and run in the other direction.. i want to vomit. i think in the back of my mind.. every time i looked at cheryl, i was reminded of how she defended him after what he did to me. I remember how TWO DAYS after i told her that her boyfriend molested me when he slept over my house, she was trying to get back together with him (she had broken up with him for it the day i told her). I told her the last time we had a fight that i had never really forgiven her for doing that.. and she was like.. well i asked you if it was okay! you should have said no! Well what the hell was i SUPPOSED to say??? why the FUCK would you even CONSIDER going back out with him after he MOLESTED ME???? you asking me if it was okay means you WANTED TO, which i don't understand at all. HOW CAN YOU CONSIDER YOURSELF MY FRIEND AND DO THAT. he's disgusting. he's a monster. he is a pervert. what he did to me was horrible. but she still wanted him. Idk.. at one point she said something along the lines of "you just don't understand love like that." So basically, they were so in love that she was able to forgive him that quickly and try to go back to him. HA! thats probably the funniest thing i've ever heard. I wish she knew how many times he called me and bitched and complained about her--about how annoying she was and how he was SO sick and tired of her calling him basically every night and crying all the time. Part of the reason he said no when she asked him back out that time was because of me... I basically talked him out of it without meaning to. I never told her that because we stayed friends (sort of), and she was really upset about the fact that he said no. I can't believe she actually thought THAT was love.

and then after this fight about the cigarettes, she brought up how shes been there for me SO MANY TIMES and how shes tried SO HARD to be a good friend. she was like.. 'remember that night you told me about what mike did.. well i sat there with you while you cried the WHOLE NIGHT while all i wanted to do was talk about how hurt i felt. we were both going through so much, but i sucked it up for you.' alright, well first of all. I LOVE how she tried to make it sound like we were both in equal amounts of pain that night. what she was going through was NOTHING compared to how i felt. MY BEST FRIEND MOLESTED ME. FOUR YEARS OF FRIENDSHIP. DOWN THE DRAIN. On top of the fact that i was fucking MOLESTED. How the fuck can you even THINK that your pain was the same as mine??? And then.. for her to say.. 'all i wanted to do was talk about how hurt i felt.' So basically what she's saying is.. 'god, katey!! stop talking about how you were MOLESTED so i can talk about how this makes ME feel!!! how could you be so selfish and not let ME talk?? i have to listen to you????' shes so fucking stupid. she also brought up how she was there for me when sean broke up with me, and she listened to me cry on the phone. so in the past 10 months.. we talked on the phone like.. 3 times, and hung out probably three or four times. THAT is what she considers being there for me??? what the fuck is WRONG with her??

i dont know.. even back before the mike thing happened, she still pissed me off a lot. i always felt like a lot of the 'depression' she had was fake. i think she liked the attention she got when she was crying all the time and cutting. i saw right through a lot of it. she KNOWS i dont drink, smoke, or smoke weed, and yet she still asked me to do it several times. it seemed like she didnt respect my feelings or beliefs on that at all. idk.. shes just dumb. she uses people. uses guys. shes just a bitch. and now, a lot of her life has become about drugs and partying, which im just not into. thats mostly why i dont like her. i think i just ended up making up with her every time because i dont talk to that many people. but now i've decided that i'd rather have one less person to talk to than be "friends" with her. i was going to tell her all of this.. but i honestly just didnt feel like it. what's the point? i'm never going to reconcile with her, which would be the only reason why i would ever explain all of this. i dont care if she thinks i'm wrong. she doesnt matter to me. her opinion means nothing.